As The Women Sew

As The Women Sew by Sue Gilmurray

When the times are hard and the going’s tough,
when you work all day and it’s not enough,
when there is no bread, and the children cry,
and the menfolk curse, and the women sigh,
then the women sew,
and their stitches speak
of a spirit strong
though the body’s weak;
with a grip on love
that they won’t let go,
see their fingers care
as the women sew.

When you live your life in the grip of fear
of the bomb and gun that are always near,
when they come at night to disturb your sleep,
when they take the men, and the women weep,
then the women sew,
and their stitches shout
against violent power
shutting justice out;
with a grip on rage
that they won’t let go,
see their fingers fight
as the women sew.

When you live aware of a bloodstained past,
when suspicions lurk, on which hatreds feed,
when the children doubt, and the women plead,
then the women sew,
and their stitches sing
of the fairer world
only peace can bring;
with a grip on hope
that they won’t let go,
see their fingers build
as the women sew.

Yes, the women sew, and their stitches hold,
and a fragile quilt is worth more than gold;
with a grip on life that they won’t let go,
see their fingers heal as the women sew.
Yes, the women sew,
and their stitches hold,
and a fragile quilt
is worth more than gold;
with a grip on life
that they won’t let go,
see their fingers care,
see their fingers fight,
see their fingers build,
see their fingers heal
as the women sew.

To see a quilted history of Mampujan, click here.

Daily Details

I’ve been looking over my blog and have realized that I have mentioned a lot of the big things that have gone on around here, but many of the little, ordinary details of daily life are sorely lacking. So, without further ado, here are some glimpses of daily life!

1. Food
a. Roots and rice are the most common staples of daily life. Every meal consists of some type of ñame or yuca, along with rice and liga- some sort of topping for the rice. This topping could be fried fish, chicken, meat, eggs or even turtle. My favourite is fried fish with coconut rice.
b. Juice is served with every meal. Normally, it is a delicious fresh fruit juice like mango or guava, but I am learning the extent of juice making here extends far beyond fruit to the likes of spaghetti and sweet potato.
c. If there is dessert, it is usually some sort of brown mush made out of a fruit or root, boiled down with sugar, cinnamon and cloves, served on crackers.
d. Vegetables besides tomatoes and onions are not very popular. Salad is mainly optional.

2. Weather
a. Surprisingly, there is no snow here. Instead, I was told that Mampuján has two seasons: dust and mud. This is true. When it is raining, which is considered to be winter, it rains ferociously for about two hours a day, every day, resulting in muddy streets and moldy clothes. But the green countryside is stunning! In summer, which really means absence of rain, which this year took place from about December to April, everything is dry and dusty. And hot. Temperatures are usually in the mid 30s.
b. I wear sunblock and shower every day, which is considered a little bit dirty compared to the three or four times a day everyone else bathes.

3. Water
When it rains, there is water. Nobody has potable water and I live in one of the few houses that actually has running water, even if it is very dirty. During winter, every time it rains, we all collect water in giant buckets and use it for drinking and cooking. In the summer, most of peoples’ time is spent trying to find water, whether going to the few community wells with clear water or the creek. Hardly anyone has the resources necessary to buy water from the store.

4. Easter
Tradition consists of going from home to home trying to eat as much food (coconut rice with black beans, three color salad and turtle) as possible while listening to impossibly loud Vallaneto music. I was told to drink less water because that will give me the ability to eat more. I only managed to eat two of the recommended five meals of the day. It must have been an excess of water consumption on my part.

5. Transportation
a. Moto, bus, moto, taxi, foot. Bike or donkey. There really are no other options and no one owns their own vehicle. In order to get from Sincelejo, where I have meetings at the Sembrandopaz office about once a month, to Mampuján, I first must take a moto to the bus station, where collective vans leave to go to San Onofre. I wait until the van is full, while trying to avoid buying watches, cookies, pop, cell phone covers or music video dvds. Once the van is full, and I mean FULL, we take off down the “in some parts paved and in others not so much” road for about two hours, windows open and music blaring. At San Onofre, I cross the highway and wait for the Maria la Baja bus, which can take from five mintues to an hour to arrive. I use this time to chat with the bus stop man and eat banana chips. When the bus finally arrives, it’s another half hour journey and then a five minute walk and I am home.
b. One option that is always an adventure is Sembrandopaz’s tin-can van. Suffice to say that it at one point hit a donkey and at another point broke down three times at the side of the road in the middle of the night, resulting in a journey that included hitchhiking in giant vegetable trucks and attempted jump starts on downhill curves.

6. Wildlife.
a. Besides the children running up and down the streets and in and out of my house, there are numerous encounters to be had with all sorts of animal life, most of them unfortunately taking place inside my house. There are always pigs wandering by, wallowing in some sort of sewage water and continuing on their hunts for grubs and vegetable peelings. Every once and a while, they chase a chicken. Chickens which I constantly am also chasing out of my house. Every time I have the door open, a herd (gaggle? posse?) try to come in. I am measuring my time here by watching piglets and chicks grow up and get eaten.
b. I have so far discovered two mice nests in my house, which is amazing when you think about how small my house is.
c. Every type of insect or reptile you can think of, besides dinosaurs, also lives or tries to live in my house. A snake crawled under my door and was promptly beaten to death by an 80 year woman with a metal pipe. (I was later told it was not poisonous- the snake, not the lady). Last night, a frog the size of a hiking boot, but with more spring, bounded into the corner by my closet. It was followed by another frog the size of a twoonie, but not as flat. I turned my back for one moment and the small frog was gone. I am assuming the worst.
d. There are spiders everywhere and I am slowly developing an immunity to mosquito bites. Ants are nature’s best cleaners and I am amazed by how much they can lift. However, their recent fascination with living in my bed is a little too much for me.

7. Entertainment
a. Mexican soap operas, Yo Me Llamo (Colombian American Idol), and staring in my window are popular pastimes. I live in a small town where everybody knows everybody. Therefore, anything out of the ordinary, like anything I might do, is the subject of much discussion.
b. Going swimming in the creek and going to the plaza in Maria la Baja are also both excellent options to pass the time.

For a more analytical look at Mampuján, feel free to peruse a community assessment on the Seed website. While on the website, check out some of the other Seeder’s communities. We are all regularly posting about our life and work, with fascinating results. Also, feel free to post any questions you may have in the comments section.

A Poem and Some Pictures

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There are so many topics I want to write about- A Place Called Home (check it out anyways), comparisons between the Yukon and Colombia’s Chocó region and many more. I have rough drafts started, but I just can’t right now. It’s been a very fast, yet very long two weeks of travelling and meetings and processing and I need to catch my breath. So, here are some pictures and a poem. I love this poem because it reminds me that, no matter what happens, there is so much possibility in every life, including mine.

Don’t Hesitate

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyways, that’s often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

-Mary Oliver

When a Commemoration is not a Commemoration

I’m sad this week. Not for any sort of existential crisis or deep questionings of my place in this community, but because things didn’t work out they way we wanted them to in our most anticipated event of the year. Instead of bringing the community together, we seem to be further and further apart.

As all of you faithful readers will know, Mampuján and two neighbouring communities are the communities in Colombia with a sentence under the Justice and Peace Law. The sentence orders reparations under various forms, including individual, collective and measures of satisfaction. While progress has been made on some of the other forms, the most activity so far has centred on victim satisfaction because it is the easiest to achieve. This has included things like publicly stating, using newspaper and TV, that Mampuján was never associated with guerrillas and planning a monument to the community. One of the largest measures ordained was a commemoration ceremony remembering twelve years of displacement, on March 11, from Mampuján Viejo and a massacre that took place in the surrounding area of Las Brisas. The president of Colombia himself was set to make an appearance, along with the Ambassador of the United States, the Supreme Court Judges who gave the sentence, the head of the Fiscalia and a number of other so called important people. We actually ended up changing the dates so that the president could attend.

As a community, we worked to get ready. This involved not only talking to the people here in Mampuján, but working with leadership teams in all of the other areas under the sentence as the commemoration was theirs as well. We ended up deciding to hold two days of activities, the first day for each community to hold their own private day of remembrance in their original location, and the second day for all of the guests and the three communities to come together in Mampuján Viejo for a day of speeches, songs, dramas, all focused on mourning the past and looking forward to the future. Music and drama teachers showed up to teach us traditional Afro-Colombia mourning songs and drumming patterns. We spent all week cleaning up Mampuján Viejo and planning a softball tournament, like they did in the days before displacement. The former store was turned into a museum, were photos and quilts were displayed. For many people, this would be there first time sleeping in Mampuján Viejo since they were displaced and we planned a special breakfast of turtle for all of those who chose to stay over, as a form of symbolic return.

Before the event began, I was impressed to see the way the community leaders owned the event. Even since the march in December, I could see growth in their confidence to organize events and motivate the community. For many of them, despite the promise of the arrival of the president, this was an event that they were doing for themselves, to remember and reflect on twelve years of displacement.

However, as with any event, funding was a problem. We sent out letters, but got no response. However, on Sunday, a week before the event, the government in Bogota finally responded to say that they would provide the funding, along with contributions from the United Nations Development Program. However, they refused to provide us with any sort of cash. Instead, they would send two operators from Bogota, as go between people who would buy everything that we need, make all the contracts, and basically take care of carrying out our plans.

It was a disaster, and not only where the operators were concerned. Two people finally showed up on Tuesday, and we had an all day meeting about food. The next time they showed up was Thursday night, were they made fun of my Spanish. The food itself finally arrived on Saturday night, but most of the meat was missing and there was only enough for one day of everything else. The sound equipment didn’t arrive. Half the people waiting for lunch the first day didn’t get fed. The bus and car drivers in charge of ferrying people and things refused to work. I was so dirty that when I shook my head, dirt flew out of my hair. The president decided that he really couldn’t show up after all and it was announced that reparations would be delayed at least another month. I spent all of my time running around like a crazy person, trying to track down and demand missing food in an area with no cell phone signal as well as pacifying people as lunch became later and later and later. There is nothing like the panicky feeling of passing out food to people as you try to judge whether there really will be enough for everyone. This feeling is intensified as you realize that people are also tired, disappointed and feel helpless in light of everything they have heard.

(I later found out from one of the operators that they were very understaffed. A one day event for 600 people in Cartagena that week had 6 operators working; we were basically running 4 different events for over 1500 people during two days and had two operators).

Needless to say, people have not been happy with community leadership this week and there has been a lot of muttering on the street. It’s all made worse by the fact that we still don’t have the promised resources to pay back community members who contributed to the event, like the cooks or bus drivers, which makes leadership appear inefficient and selfish. Of course, leadership is not perfect, but there are a lot of extenuating circumstances taking place that are completely out of their control, made much more difficult by people camping out on their doorsteps demanding payment that we simply do not have.

However, all of the logistical stuff aside, I think what makes me the most sad was that the event turned out not to be about the community at all. Instead, it appeared to be a place where all of the so called important people from Bogota and Cartagena, including functionaries from both the Canada and US Embassies could arrive in their helicopter, listen to speeches, receive flowers from the kids, and go home feeling like peace in Colombia is moving along nicely as another sentence item is checked of the list. I understand that peace is a process that takes time, but it’s frustrating that nobody saw the disappointed and angry community members behind the scenes who were not being remembered in a dignified way. This event was supposed to be all about them, and they were really excited about it, but in the end, it really was not about them at all and there was nothing they could do about it. And if it is really all about the peace process doesn’t the process itself need to be part of building peace? If the end result is empowered and restored communities, the communities need to be given control over their own resources now and given the opportunity to manage things themselves.

I cannot help contrasting this event to our march in December. The march was not a sentence ordained activity, yet it resulted in empowerment and unity within Mampuján, because the community had to work together to achieve tangible results. Everyone was important because everyone was walking. Every step was an achievement and everybody’s steps were needed. During the commemoration, we tried to organize a human chain but even that didn’t have the same impact. At the end of the day, the community ended up being a spectator and left feeling disempowered and fragmented.

(That is not to say that there were not moments of deep hilarity involving snapping turtles, escaping from burlap sacks and trying to bite our toes off in a van. I had no idea that turtles could climb car seats or enjoy trying to chew on ears. Also, try attempting to pass out said turtles at 3:00 am with the help of only cell phone flashlights so that people could kill and cook them for breakfast. It will probably be a moment you will not forget.)

Real Life

A year ago, I lived in a mansion. It was beautiful. I spent my days attending and complaining about classes, studying networking and power games. I challenged the ideals of western philosophy just because I could. I learned how to dress for success and which fork to use for which course in order to impress potential clients or employers. I worked in an office and drank really good coffee all day long as I wrote long research reports and talking points. I developed a serious case of hero worship for all advocates everywhere and pondered where I would go to get my master’s degree. I spoke English and engaged in effortless political debates with my friends and classmates as we poured over the newspaper before breakfast. 4.0 was the perfect number. At the end, I was told that I was ready to take my place in the halls of power and be part of a new generation of Canadians working for God/country and country/God (I was never sure which was first). I ate good food, was a principled vegetarian, and thought I was ready for real life.

Now, I live in a two room apartment that has barely enough room for me, let alone guests. I often feel like I am on a two year camping trip. I am usually dirty and covered in bug bites. I wear sunblock, rapidly fading tank tops and shorts, and worn out flip flops everyday. I eat a lot of boiled or deep fried roots and rice and have become an expert at collecting rain water to drink. I am learning to see my heroes as people just like me, human beings with clay feet; although I learn everyday about what a thirst for knowledge looks like from my friend with a grade three education who dreams of law school. Spilling food all over myself is a common occurrence, especially when eating with others, as electric fans, cats, dogs, small children and the act of attempting to pick out fish bones with a spoon usually end up flinging food everywhere. I consider my day a success of I can understand meetings enough to participate in them, let alone network. There are no newspapers in my town, yet local gossip works surprisingly well and everyone has a story about the terror often associated with politics. I’m not really that big a fan of my country right now and I don’t really want to talk about God right now. Coffee is served in tiny plastic cups, and is equal parts sugar and stale grounds. I don’t think I know what real life is anymore.

(PS: I have no more stitches and am walking/running around like a normal person again! I can almost do yoga!)

Mampujan Leaves a Scar

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Here’s some photos from my vacation in January, of beautiful beaches, great friends, and amazing food. It was good to have that time, because I’ve just had a really hard week and a half.

Work has been very slow- the community is so busy attending thousands of meetings about reparations and upcoming changes that there is no time or people available to work on projects and plans that were supposed to be ongoing. It is fine if these things can’t happen at this time, but I often feel at loose ends because then I don’t have a clear direction. I struggle with wondering how much I should push, and how much is up to the community. After all, they should not have to do things that they are not ready to do just so I can somehow feel useful.

To top it all off, I was involved in a motorcycle accident last Saturday and tore my knee open. I’m so glad that I didn’t break any bones or get a concussion, but I did end up with eleven stitches. Knees do not heal quickly. I’m getting better, but I have been trapped in my house for the last week. I guess it’s a good thing that things that my work is slow right now!

It is a scary place to be in. I’m realizing just how much I like to be independent and how hard it is to depend on other people for everything, from food to trips to the clinic to check on my progress. I feel very vulnerable. It’s hard to trust local health centres, even though I know that they have helped many people in Colombia to heal, but I just don’t have the same sense of ease that I do in Canada- I watch to make sure that things are sterilized and in secure packages. I find myself second guessing every piece of advice that I hear even when I know that it is good advice.

At the same time, I am very grateful for the love and attention that I have received from my community. It’s a very cultural thing to make sure that people are not alone when they do not feel well, so I had a steady stream of visitors most days, coming by to chat and to offer me all sort of advice, ranging from not combining watermelon with antibiotics to not pouring alcohol all over my leg. Friends have cleaned my house and done my laundry, brought me food and have encouraged me to be brave. A favourite time of most of the kids was when the nurse that lives across the street would come over to change my bandage and they could see the stitches.

I arrived in Sincelejo Monday night (which was an adventure in itself involving broken down vans, buses, hitchhiking and giant vegetable trucks) for a week of meetings and workshops. In many ways, it is a relief to be out of the community. There are a lot more medical options and the house that I am staying is in a lot cleaner than my house will ever been because of the dirt streets in Mampuján. It’s good to be with team members and to speak English, even though I am still missing out on activities because of overdoing it earlier this week. The healing process is going well, and I have to keep on reminding myself that it is better to miss out on a few things now than not walk for months and months. My stitches should come out in less than a week and I am looking forward to having an awesome scar!

They Are Called Peace Processes for a Reason…

It’s been awhile…. I had a wonderful vacation for a week of this month on the beach, which was much needed. I’ll post photos soon and update y’all on a little more of daily life, but for now, here’s an article I’m writing for the Seed website about a recent event in Mampujan…

The journey of peace and reconciliation is not a straight forward path towards a perfect goal. There are many different ways of shaping peace and reconciliation in communities impacted by armed conflict. Just as armed conflict has impacted so many different areas of society, so peace process must also be at play to support healing and rebuilding in each of these different areas. And sometimes, as took place in Mampuján on January 18, many of these different aspects come into play at the same time.

Mampuján is taking place in a unique process within Colombia. It is the only displaced community to have received a sentence under the Justice and Peace Law , which outlines various reparations, both individual and collective, and the responsibilities of each of the various parties involved to provide these reparations. On January 18, there was a follow-up hearing, the first of its kind to be held in a community of victims, to examine the steps being made towards these reparations. The judges responsible for the original sentence were present as well as each entity responsible for some aspect of reparations, from the department of social action to the person in charge of the national police force.

Therefore, one clear aspect of peace and reconciliation taking place was the legal process over material reparations. To date, the community has not received the physical reparations they have been promised, and the judges were very clearly on the side of the victims, grilling the entities for specific dates and threatening investigations if these dates are missed. While many of the dates still ended up being a vague “during the year 2012,” there were several clear instances of specific dates and promises that no one was really expecting, including a specific timeframe for individual reparations. If these are actually complied with, this will have sweeping ramifications for not only Mampuján, but for the rest of the over 5 million victims in Colombia, showing political will to actively rebuild the country by focusing on the segment of the population who have truly lost everything- the victims. However, there have been state promises in the past that have not materialized, including simple things like lunch for audience participants on Wednesday. So while the community is hopeful, many people are waiting for the promises to actually arrive before they celebrate.

Personal reconciliation must also take place for lasting peace. Most community members did not know until the night before the hearing that the paramilitary leaders who ordered the displacement of the community and massacres that took place in surrounding communities would be present during the hearing. These men were sentenced during the sentencing process and part of their responsibility is providing the means to build monuments in each of the impacted community. Therefore, they were given the opportunity to speak and they both pressed the need for forgiveness if Colombia is ever to move forward. Many community members had never before seen the men who are directly responsible for their current living conditions, and there was palatable tension in the air. However, people listened respectfully and the woman standing beside me leaned over to whisper in my ear that she had forgiven them a long time ago. Forgiveness has been a theme at the local church, and whether the para-leader’s speech was political or sincere, the fact the some people have made the decision to forgive and move forward without bitterness is important for the healing of the community and the individual members within.

In fact, another part of peace and reconciliation is community building and empowerment, as victims realize that they have agency and can impact the processes taking place around them. In Mampuján, the original hearing was scheduled to take place in a separate location, but community leaders lobbied together to demand the hearing take place in the centre of Mampuján, so everyone present would see the lack of progress of the reparations, evidenced in the dusty, pot-holed streets. The community is learning that they have an important role, not simply as victims, but as people who need to be listened to if this process is ever going to reach a satisfying completion. For example, two weeks before the hearing, the community received a number of tool kits as part of their reparations. However, there were not enough tools for everyone and the majority of the provided tools where more suitable for farmers who grow potatoes, not people who grow corn and yucca, which are the main crops here. The community was able to stand up during the hearing and explain that their needs are not being met by this type of reparation.

As well, before the audience, people worked together to clear the field and construct shelters out of palms. Women volunteered to cook and even kids got involved, carrying handfuls of dead grass away from the field. People also expressed that even if the hearing was not successful, there would still be actions they could take to demand their rights. Throughout the last few months, Mampuján has been learning about working together and seeing their actions as valuable- they are taking agency and developing a stronger sense of community spirit, and through that process working on repairing ruptured social fabric and changing their vision of themselves.

There are many challenges yet to face in the coming months, and still more questions than answers. Will promises be kept? How will an influx of money change Mampuján? How can sustainable structures be put in place that will continue to allow victims to be heard? However, the hearing was, on the whole, a positive experience that highlights the many facets of peace and reconciliation taking place in the community and potential ways to move forward that may serve as an example for the entire country as Colombia struggles towards a sustainable and lasting peace process.